Every Word From the Dictionary Is In This Post!

“Sue’s Dictionary of Modern Slang” was a Christmas present from Mary. She taught me a lot of slang and explained a few words that had been perplexing me. I am finally following through with my threat, er, promise, to make a blog post using all of the words Mary taught me. It’s the least I can do for such a thoughtful daughter, or shall I say, biatch. Now all of you out there for whom this post will be an education, don’t be dismayed. Biatch in modern parlance is not a bad thing to say about someone, as I learned in “Sue’s Dictionary of Modern Slang,” which defines it as “referring to a person in a friendly way (usually a female or gay friend).” So you see, it’s a term of endearment. Is that news to you? If so, read on. By calling someone a biatch, it’s kind of like saying she’s a’ite. Excuse me? What? You don’t know what a’ite means? Well, think of it this way. You know that song from the 1960’s “All Right Now” . . . if it had been written using “Sue’s Dictionary of Modern Slang,” it would have been titled “A’ite Now.” Okay, let’s talk some more about my lovely daughter Mary. I think I can safely say that her short hair is ballin’. I am guessing on the history of this word that someone who plays basketball is a “baller” and therefore cool, so for something to be ballin’ it is therefore also cool, and that’s what Mary’s hair is – ballin’. Looking at her hair from a purely economical stance, we are saving a few Benjamins by not having to buy shampoo, conditioner, and hair cuts for her formerly very long hair. Not that I mind spending hard-earned green on that kind of thing for her, but at least now we have some extra Benjamins to spend on her bling so she can get props from her homeys for looking a’ite. Speaking of Mary’s homeys, I don’t think any of them has her own whip yet, but most of them are driving their parents’ whips – Mary and her peeps can only drive with one homey in the whip at a time, per Wisconsin law. This didn’t used to be the law when I was 16, but I think it’s a great idea, and to this I say word. Now speaking of whips, the boys are still getting in my grill for selling that janky Acura. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not acting salty with me about it, they mostly just like to make me feel guilty. But if they ever get too salty I’d call the po-po on them. Just kidding. I wouldn’t call the five-oh, and they would never get so salty that I’d have to do so, I just said that as an excuse to use the words po-po and five-oh. Well dawgs, I have about used up all of my slang, so I am going to finish up here. Anytime any of you dawgs want to say hi, you just holla.